ASS On Fire Takes You Higher

These are the Facts: John and Jane were madly in love. The only thing that John and Jane loved more than each other was their common love for Food. John and Jane lived and worked in one of the newly built Megacity-Super Structures, where an Individual can spend their entire life time and never step out of the building. This is their Fate: One day John heard rumours about this amazing new restaurant who are pushing the boundaries of what culinary sciences could accomplish. So of course John and Jane decided that they should go and explore the restaurant. The only problem was that it was not situated in their own MegaCity. So John and Jane decided that they should hop on an Airplane to fly to the Megacity to eat at the Restaurant Is this Fiction ?: It was a pleasant day when they boarded the plane and took off to go accomplish their dream. But their plane never landed, and they were never heard from again. Rumours say that their was never any ...

So as you all know I was the finalist in the Australian version of Master-chef Australia.  Ohh wait.. Australia is where Master-chef started…. so does that mean that Aussies don’t need to say ‘Master-chef Australia' as it is the original version and every other country adopted it there after so everyone else other than people in Australia need to add the country name at the end of the show name in this case? But anyways, I digress. So yes, going back…Me .. chef…chicken…. cooking… Recipe. It all started one long weekend when on the last day of holiday I woke up late and felt really hungry, but it was already at that awkward time of the morning when you are no longer sure if it is time for breakfast or if you maybe possibly wait another 30 minutes its socially acceptable to call it lunch time. So as any responsible adult would, I made the choice and ignored both those choices and went out in search for a cup of coffee.  I smell coffee ov...

Restless: Offering no physical or emotional rest; involving constant activity or motion. Different people define “Home” in different ways. For some Home is where you are born and brought up. For others Home is where your parents, your loved ones live. No matter where they would be in the world. Home is always something they can come back to. But there are some like me who consider home as “Where I am”. No matter which city, state, country I am in, home for me is the place I go back to at the end of the day.  This leads to some very confusing scenarios quite often, when people ask: “So when are you going home?” and I answer.. maybe in another 30 minutes.  They expect me to reply with a date/month of my next vacation when I would be going back to my family. But I end up telling them when I would be going back to the place which they consider as a house but I consider as “Home”. 11 years ago, during my first few days on the Internet, I had ended up creating an Id calle...

On one side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your ...

Shrijeet Roy Choudhary: Can someone please explain.. On an All-India-Level what is a Phulka, Roti,Chapathi and Paratha.. Every few 100 Kms the definition completely changes.. Priyanka Roy Chaudhury: This question coming from Google Baba Shrijeet Roy Choudhary? Shrijeet Roy Choudhary: Coz there is no right answer.. So what you made is not a Phulka.. Its like Einstein's Theory of Relativity and Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle combined into one object... The name of the object you made is always uncertain and relative. THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

print("Hello World!")   It has been a long time since we last met, a lot has changed since then.  The human race has progressed into what some of them assume is the year 2013. (Idiots) . Game of Thrones Season 4 is proving to be really Epic.  I have started reading more of Ender's Adventures (Before the movie comes out this year and spoils everything) . I am working close to 12 hours everyday. (Resulting in this blog being neglected) Winter is coming !! (The Aussie One, and not in Westeros) But some other things remain the same, such as the ailments of the heart. So when one of my friends pinged me on IM today with a question: (6:33:54 PM) Korean Friend: why is life soo swfulll (6:33:58 PM)  Korean Friend : awfulll (6:33:59 PM)  Korean Friend : * (6:34:13 PM) Roy: All because Dragons have gone extinct (6:34:20 PM) Roy: Scientifically Proven I blurted out a random response without thinking (as usual) . But then this response got me thinkin...

Gravity, defined by Wikipedia as: “A natural phenomenon by which physical bodies attract each other (with a force proportional to their masses).” That’s the scientific law, defined by scientists based on facts, logic, experimentation and observations. It holds true in the Physical world. No questions asked. But what about the world which we weave in our minds, the world where laws of Physics don’t apply. A world where we fly in our dreams and fall in our nightmares. As evident by our dreams, in this imaginary world the force of gravity does not always hold true.  The same applies to the second part of the law: “ …physical bodies attract each other with a force proportional to their masses. ”  In this world conceived by our minds, it is not always necessary that to have the force of attraction there needs to be 2 physical entities which attract each other. ( And definitely not proportional to their masses ) Often seen the force of attraction in our own worlds defie...

So as usual this post is straight from another one of my Emails.  This time around to some of my colleagues/friends who are too lazy to go out on weekends. ( Background Info: We are all approx. 27 Years old ) Assuming that you live for 75 Years. You will have about 3910.714 weekends in your life to relax/enjoy. ( Or in you guys cases release/work ) Now assume that you are 27 Years old. ( Some a bit more, others a bit less ) You have already gone through 36% of those weekends that you get in your life. Once you get married let’s say at 30 ( too late I know ) after that your weekends don’t belong to you. So as of now you have: 3~4 years more of weekends left with you.  Or in other words you just have 5% of your entire lives weekends left with you for yourself, before they belong to someone else. So every weekend when you decide, “I will stay in, not do anything” Just think about what you are losing? - Choudhary Baba ka Friday Gyaan THIS IS COSMIC BLASTI...

Now to cover the rest of the planet THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

My 4 year old niece Neha was supposedly asleep when I heard noises coming from her upstairs bedroom. I tried to listen but could not make out what was being said. I approached the room, and she stopped talking.  Thinking I alarmed her I went into the room. At the time she was sharing it with her 6 year old sister Varsha.  I walked in and saw Neha sitting up in bed. I smiled and asked "Is everything Ok?" She said fine, but Varsha said they were keeping her up.  I asked ”Who?" Neha said sorry that she was talking. When I asked her who she was talking to, Varsha sat up and said "The girl in the window, she said you were coming."  I asked who the girl was and they both said a girl comes and stands in front of the window at night and talks to them. Not knowing what to say, I said Ok. Tucked them in and hung around outside their door. The next day I asked about the girl. They said she came back but was mad! I waited a few days and asked again. Neha said th...

We walked everywhere together.. from the sandy beaches.. To the lush green forests From enjoying the early morning dew drops on the grass To dipping our toes in the brook Then one day he left me.. Left me to go to fight another man's war I was alone.. waiting.. sad... Thinking he forgot me.. and would never be back Then he came back.. Yes !! Can you believe it !! he was back home Back from the war But.. what is this ? .. Why is he not coming over to me.. Why does he not greet me and take me with him on a long walk Why is he sitting on that chair with wheels, being pushed around by others THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

And here I sit, in my air conditioned office. Waiting for the clock to strike 6 to go home. My biggest problem is choosing what to have for dinner or thinking of something to do for the day. I can't even imagine having to question whether I will be alive tomorrow.  And its sick how my brain can't interpret that as a reality. It just wants to believe it's Bollywood and Hrithik Roshan will pop up and save the day so I can leave the theater and go back to my house.  But this is life for those people. THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

Today while riding to work, I saw a little girl standing on the footpath on the side of the road, with a school bag on her back, probably waiting for her bus. She was standing all alone in the bustling crowd, with a very depressed expression on her face lost to the world staring at her feet. I was stuck in traffic at this time ( Yeah its Bangalore ) and couldn’t move. For a moment she looked up probably to search for her bus and we ended up staring at each other. I had this urge to go and ask her what was wrong, why was she gloomy what was worrying her? But due to the traffic and me being in the middle of the road on a bike and she up on the footpath, that didn’t seems a viable possibility.  The Signal turned green, I moved on, but a thought was stuck in my head. What if everyone in the world knew Sign Language? Wouldn’t it be much easier to communicate with each other?  You wouldn’t need to be within hearing distance of each other, if you can see the other pers...

As is generally the case on this blog, the below poem also came out from a spontaneous  chat conversation I was having with a friend,  You dont need a Hotty..  When you have a Comfy Potty.. A Hotty gives you shit for whatever you do.. A Potty takes all the shit you pass her to.. For a Hotty..you need to learn to press the right buttons.. For a Potty.. There is only one. A hotty makes you run around, Round and Round.. Press a Button and in a Potty everything goes down You need to buy perfumes to make your hotty smell good.. Well a potty smells..Err… as every other potty should So listen up my friend.. Forget about the Hotty. When your potty is God Send !! THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

There is an existing looong SQL query which selects some products for a condition where Sub product like ‘ %Bill - Option% ’ Now as a part of an enhancement a request came from a user ( via email in Outlook ) to add a new Product with Sub Product Bill – Option   One of my team mates  worked on this and added the new product in a table.. Simple Enough..!! UAT Started and today the User came back saying that the new product is not being selected. I was called in for help and after breaking my head for 1 hour determined that the team mate who added the new product, copied the Sub Product name directly from the User’s Email and entered into the table. Now Microsoft Word on typing a - changes it to a slightly longer version of – . This is clearly visible here in Outlook but when you look at these two things in SQL. They look exactly the same. Example:  (The two above are different; one is a copy from Outlook the other typed).  One works, the other doe...

Trupti sat late on a Friday evening in the office. The office was empty as everyone had left on time except her. The office was dark and the only source of light was from her own monitor. She was stuck trying to debug a particular tricky piece of code.  This application called SRC had been handed over to her only 6 days ago and she had to remove 4 bugs from the application in a week.  Trupti was confident that should we able to tackle the issues very easily as she had done multiple times in the past and meet the dead lines comfortably. That was the reason that her supervisor had full faith in her talents and had handed this seemingly easy piece of work to her. This would be the 8th and final project which she would have to complete in 2011. But this application was proving to be a tricky one. Even after 6 days she was nowhere close to even re-producing the bugs. After 2 days when she had asked her supervisor if any documentation exists for the code, she was informed...

Riding down the busy street with absolutely no sense of the crowd, hullabaloo and the people around you. Riding in a trance, where movements come naturally to every part of the body as and when necessary. When the sub-conscious takes over and the mind is in a blissful calm taking no decisions, performing no permutations, no computations. Not thinking ahead.. Not thinking about the past.  Only the present moment. And a moment which is true unconditional harmony. The moment stretches itself. It seems endless. Like an eternal infinite journey with no destination in mind. It's only the moment which matters and the journey in which the moment dwells in.   THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

I was having a discussion with a friend about how a Man and a Woman's brain work differently. When suddenly this came up: How I imagine Girls think: When they come across something new and unknown: 1. Checks to see if any other girl has the same thing. If No: 2. Checks to see if it can be worn or applied to face. If No: 3. Checks to see if eaten , will it make her fat. If Yes: "Mehh... I didn't like it anyways" THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

Background Information : I am a Bengali who is currently living in Kerala and doesn't speak Malayalam. It all started just like any other lazy weekend. Getting up at 0500 , not being able to sleep again.. blah .. blah... Finally at 1600 Hours  I decided to go and get some lunch. Took my bike , rode on road, went to shop and parked. Suddenly an Uncle comes out of no-where and starts screaming at me in Malayalam. Now me being sleep deprived on a Saturday afternoon I couldn't understand a single word he was screaming at me. ( Also the fact that I don't speak the language didn't help much I guess ) I tried to explain to him in both English and Hindi that I am not able to understand what he is saying as I don't understand Malayalam. But uncle continued his screaming match. Then I pointed to my ear and made the sign that I couldn't  hear him. ( No don't ask me why I did that. I guess in my sleepiness I thought the sign means that I don't underst...

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