ASS On Fire Takes You Higher

As is generally the case on this blog, the below poem also came out from a spontaneous  chat conversation I was having with a friend,  You dont need a Hotty..  When you have a Comfy Potty.. A Hotty gives you shit for whatever you do.. A Potty takes all the shit you pass her to.. For a Hotty..you need to learn to press the right buttons.. For a Potty.. There is only one. A hotty makes you run around, Round and Round.. Press a Button and in a Potty everything goes down You need to buy perfumes to make your hotty smell good.. Well a potty smells..Err… as every other potty should So listen up my friend.. Forget about the Hotty. When your potty is God Send !! THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

I was having a discussion with a friend about how a Man and a Woman's brain work differently. When suddenly this came up: How I imagine Girls think: When they come across something new and unknown: 1. Checks to see if any other girl has the same thing. If No: 2. Checks to see if it can be worn or applied to face. If No: 3. Checks to see if eaten , will it make her fat. If Yes: "Mehh... I didn't like it anyways" THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

Background Information : I am a Bengali who is currently living in Kerala and doesn't speak Malayalam. It all started just like any other lazy weekend. Getting up at 0500 , not being able to sleep again.. blah .. blah... Finally at 1600 Hours  I decided to go and get some lunch. Took my bike , rode on road, went to shop and parked. Suddenly an Uncle comes out of no-where and starts screaming at me in Malayalam. Now me being sleep deprived on a Saturday afternoon I couldn't understand a single word he was screaming at me. ( Also the fact that I don't speak the language didn't help much I guess ) I tried to explain to him in both English and Hindi that I am not able to understand what he is saying as I don't understand Malayalam. But uncle continued his screaming match. Then I pointed to my ear and made the sign that I couldn't  hear him. ( No don't ask me why I did that. I guess in my sleepiness I thought the sign means that I don't underst...

There is still quite a lot of debate about the earth being round. I'm pretty sure its not round, and there's actually a really neat little experiment you can do at home that disproves the "round earth" theory:  Get a round ball. Put it on top of a larger ball, representing the earth.  You will notice how the smaller ball will roll off the larger ball, since both are round.  If, however, you place the same ball on the ground, i.e. on the top of the round earth ( the top is where ever you are, because, if the "round earth" theorists are right, the earth is round ), you will notice that the ball does not roll off to one side. This home experiment disproves the "round earth" theory, and it's a really neat trick you can do with the kids to get them involved in science from an early age.  Kids are the future, you know. THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

I was messaging my friend when suddenly the below conversation happened. ( Ya, I know.. I can be extremely irritating... ) ( No even I don't know.. how or why the few friends who I have tolerate me ) Glossary for Non-IT People : Appraisal : After you work your Ass off through out the year. Someone somewhere decides how your performance was on completely imaginative and speculative criterion of judgement. Depending upon the Outcome of this 'Appraisal' , Your Salary and Promotions are decided for the next year. H2 : Half-Yearly 2, This aforementioned 'Appraisal' happens twice a year. Hence H1 and H2 Appraisal Discussion : You meet with your Boss/Manager and pretend to go discuss how your fared on the 'Goals' which your manager would have set for you before. You pretend to have achieved all of the Goals, and your manager pretends to have graded you awesomely well on the Grading Scale. ODC : 'Off-Shore Development Center' ( Fancy na...

Recently I have been reading lots of Posts about Movie Reviews,  So I decided to do one of my own. The Movie I want to review is one which I really Enjoyed. Movie Name: Source Code . Click Below to See the Review:

Most of the Big IT companies in our country work on an Onsite ( Videsh ) and Off-Shore ( Swadesh ) model. Which simply means that some of the team members would be working in Firangi land while other members of their team would be slogging in India. Most of the communication between these teams happen via telephone and due to the difference in Time Zones of the Countries, they usually happen outside the office hours. Usually the Off-Shore team would be waiting for their Onsite Counterparts to call them or pick up their phone and provide ( a very often misused word ) " KT " or Knowledge Transition. While coming back today from work, I was in an Auto listening to a Song by Fort Minor called "Where'd you go". Now your's truly having been worked in both these situations, ( In Firangi Land and in Bharat Mata ki Jai ) this song struck an immediate chord with me and I decided to re-word the lyrics a bit to convey what the team mates in the two countrie...

This is the Obligatory New Year Post..  Last Year I thought of making some Resolutions.. After a lot of Confusion.. I came up with a Solution.. That I would resolve the World's biggest Botheration.. May be solve the problem of Pollution.. Or Stop the practice of Prostitution.. To Study Man's Evolution.. And Like Anna lead them on the next Revolution.. Try and work towards Increased Knowledge Adoption.. And help people with their habit of Alcoholization.. But with such high Aspirations.. You also need some kind of resource Allocations.. And due to the lack of Appreciation.. And a lot of Persecutions.. The Resolutions... would never reach up to Execution.. And all of them ended in Cancellations.. So on this new day of Celebration.. It's time again to put ideas into Conceptualizations .. Hopefully this year the idea would see the light of Inception.. Until then..All we can do is work towards their Culmination..

Having a Problem with a Particular piece of Code ? Follow these simple steps to get the Solution: 1. Go to a Coding Forum. 2. Create a new account with a very Girly sounding name like: SweetPinky23 3. Create a post asking for help Hey Guys, I am fairly new to ( insert programming language   ) , and I was wondering if I can get a hand with something. I am trying to write a programme which rounds infinite and predicts the future and I am stuck at the beginning :( . Do you have any Tips ? Thanks Guys !! Pinky XOXOXOXOX 4. Check back after a Short while 18 New Comments Hi I went ahead and wrote the Program for you, It was very interesting SomeGuy44 I wrote it too but mine is a bit different. JavaHunk Hey Check out mine. IndianBillGates  Do you work in Infosys? DespoDancingDude  THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

This is the Second Post in the Series of Shit IRIS Says. The first can be found here . Although IRIS might not be able to make me a Burger, She is none the less very keen to help. Now that leads me to doubt if, IRIS is just plane stupid, But as you can see, she clearly knows better. Now that intrigues me and also freaks me out a bit, that IRIS looks like.. err.. me .. O_O I finally had enough and thought that I would tell IRIS exactly what I think of her. But I guess she didn't like it much and now tempers rose Ohh Oohh... Now I am royally Screwed.. And that Ladies and GentleMen, is How Terminator Began Many more such gems coming soon.. Keep watching this space. Phone Used:  HTC Desire Rom:  MIUI-AU You can download IRIS from  here  or scan the QR Code below The Screen shots contain black spaces where I have edited out the Oh Soo.. Un-Interesting Questions and Responses. The Label Career Reads Googl...

So I am sure, you would have heard of SIRI on the new iPhone 4S. Well we Android guys had have voice recognition for a long time now. But then came along SIRI and the world thought, Ohh Woww.. Apple innovates again. So one fine day, Narayan Babu sat down, and in 8 Hours made IRIS. (Read more about it here ) And the rest as they say is History. I have been playing with IRIS for a long time now on my phone and thought I would share some of the funniest answers that my dear IRIS has provided me with so far. Many more such gems coming soon.. Keep watching this space. Phone Used: HTC Desire Rom: MIUI-AU You can download IRIS from here  or scan the QR Code below The Screen shots contain black spaces where I have edited out the Oh Soo.. Un-Interesting Questions and Responses. The Label Career Reads Google as it has been modified using some Root only tools. THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

No, Its not plagiarized. You can create your own comic strips here:  Rage Comics Builder THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

Ever since Google launched the Google Instant feature , Our search times have been reduced drastically, as Google starts predicting what we are trying to search depending upon what people have searched in the past. This leads to some deep insights on the collective psyche of the Human Race, by revealing How and What people think about and want to know the answers to. I guess with this post. I am going to start a new series of posts ( which may or may-not continue in the future) about what I see when I use Google Instant. The first in this Series: A look into how lazy we have become and we do so that we do not need to read a book or even watch a movie. THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

How can you stay mad at this guy ? This is the second post in the Series of Kitty Cuteness and what Humans can do as a result. The first can be found here: How can you stay Mad - 1 P.S . I know this sort of humour is not for everyone. Buttt.. Mehh... The Honey Badger doesn't care THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

Email, A very simple mode of communication. One which I use everyday, and once when I start typing something, without any thoughts or plan , Such Emails can go Haywire. This post is dedicated to my friend , who after getting the below email first thing in the morning, Did not murder me ( Yet ) I am copying the mail as such without any edits Good Morning < Name Hidden for confidentiality > Welcome to another new day in your life.  Please fasten your seat belt, Tray table band kar le, and khidki khuli rakhey... Seat Belt: Us se kya hoga ? Seat belt baandhney se aap ek hi jagah pe rahengey.. and life mein kisi bhi goal ke baare mein focussed rehna bahut zaroori hai.... Tray table: Us se kya hoga ? Tray table band karne se aap apney life ki choti choti luxuries ka tyaag kar rahe hai..But agar aapko life mein kahin pahuchna hai ( in this case your flight destination ) aapko tyaag karna bahut zaroori hai .. Khidki Khuli: Us se kya hoga ? Khidki khuli rakhney ...

For anyone who comes to me with Stupid Questions. I have the following: Rule of thumb: If it can be Googled, don't ask me! Unless of course : A. You are too lazy to Google it, so you rather use me to do it for you. B. You don't have time to Google it, so you rather use my time to do it for you. C. You don't trust Google, in which case you trust that I might end up Googling it anyways..( circularity here.. ) D. You already searched in Google, to no avail. E. You can't Google ( that's sad ). F. Your question is really unGooglable. ( What kind of question is that? ) G. You want the human element in the mix, you want to interact with me ( how nice of you ). H. Other possible scenarios ( ? ). THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

Sorry the women of the world. But I couldn't help it. When people share something on Social Networking sites, I don't know why, But I always get a weird itch, which makes me want to always respond to them or to put it correctly. Always dis-agree with them. So another post which was a response to one of my friend's Facebook Status updates: The original facebook post: And my response: Why do boys dont need a girl friend ? Coz she -will never leave u alone . Even when you ask her to. PERIOD -will see to it that u cant get any of ur work done -will make sure u don't skip to pay for her meals.. -will ask u to leave all ur habits everyday, everytime.. -will fight with u. -will spend all your money -will be the reason for all your worries -will make u punctual when something needs to be done for her.. -will help u restrain ur anger..by making it a constant state of mind all the time -will talk to you 15 times a day to know what you're doing..Even ...

Coffee Snobs, I hardly ever came across them when I was in India.  At work I had 2 ( free ) choices. Press a button on an ancient machine and get either  Tea Coffee ( mostly hot water ) If I wanted to splurge in a proper Café , I would then have 3 broad classifications: Cold Coffee ( with Icy Bits ) Hot Coffee ( with Steam coming out ) Weird-Looking-Colourful-Drinks ( with weird names ) But since coming to Sydney, I see coffee snobs all around me, always with an opinion on what kind of Coffee Beans to use, or how they should be grounded, or how much milk/sugar/water and what not to mix in them. What follows now: Is a confession and No I am not ashamed of it. I like those Weird Looking Colorful Drinks, Yes. I do !! When ever I would go to any café with my friend, I would always order a color ful drink with names like: Chilli Morkel, Ginger Fizz, WaterMellon Sparkel etc etc. And she would order some or the other Hot Coffee.  Chilli Morkel ...

Few days ago saw a comic strip on xkcd  ( the image you see here ) on how context of sentences change when you add 3 little words: " No Pun Intended " out of context. India is my Country. All Indians are my Brothers and Sisters. No Pun Intended . And God said to Moses, "I am the Lord. I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, as God Almighty. No Pun Intended . YES WE CAN. No Pun Intended Change has come to America. No Pun Intended Live Long and Prosper. No Pun Intended Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. No Pun Intended Life is never free of contradictions. No Pun Intended Manmohan Singh   May the force be with you. No Pun Intended Here's looking at you, kid. No Pun Intended . E.T. phone home. No Pun Intended . Bond. James Bond. No Pun Intended . UPDATE : As suggested in the comments. Adding one more to the list. ASS on Fire Takes you Higher.  No Pun Intended . THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

These 3 guys spent the whole day together in that cubicle. They shared the same desk and hung out together most of the time. Although they had arrived from different places and at different points of time, but now they were comrades, The best buds that ever were. They were from different races and their skin color was different.  One had squinty eyes, other rectangular evenly spaced eyes and the third. My oh My The Third..  If you only can look at his eyes, you would be mesmerized and be awestruck by the beauty, the symmetry, the uniqueness in those eyes. They held in them a secret which only one who has spent a lot of time with the third could comprehend. Then one day SHE arrived at their desk, and it changed everything. She had skin as fair as the maidens of lore, a skin so smooth that you would not be able to control yourself from not touching her. And when you did get to touch her, your hands would slip and slide on that smooth screen.  But behind this out...