Friday, July 8, 2011

Of Brackets and Parenthesis

My past couple of days have been spent flying over different time zones, getting my body clock completely screwed up and waiting in long queues at various Airport Check in and Security Counters all over the world.

Singapore deemed me a security risk and an officer asked me to accompany him to an adjoining room outside the queue of the baggage scan. He took my bags and started wiping them with what appeared to be tissue paper. Right when I was about to thank him for the excellent service and for cleaning my bags, he took those tissue papers and fed them into a machine (which appeared to me to be straight out of Ghost Buster movie). 

The weird looking box with blinking lights and green lights, consumed the tissue papers like a Shredder and after a few loading animations on the green screen while I held my breath anticipating that the alarms would start ringing and I would be arrested by the security and held to the charges of not cleaning my bags for the past.. err.. ever since I bought them. But thankfully the green screen finally showed words which I imagine were ‘Clean’/’Approved’/’This bugger is not a terrorist threat.. a little unclean maybe, but a douche bag none the less’, the security officer thanked me and asked me to continue to the check in.

I tried to enquire, “Sir what does that machine detect?” and got a stone cold reply of: “You know the things you are not supposed to take on an airplane”. And the disgusted scowl continued which motivated me to continue (run while not looking back) to my flight.

My digestion is completely screwed up in a way that only Airline food can accomplish (What with the collective mayhem they cause when British cuisines are mixed with South Asian, Indian and the omnipresent ‘Fresh Fruit’ (Served throughout the flight and promised to be as fresh as a baby’s freshly talcum powdered bum)).
(Woww this is the first time I have used brackets within brackets, should I be using different kinds of brackets, the squiggly { } ones combined with the square ones [ ], with the half circle ones ( )? But again I DIGRESS)

But am I complaining, Errr…. Ummmm…. No I don’t think so. Finally after 11 months I have returned home to the country of my birth and the city of my upbringing. As soon as I landed in India and stood in the immigration Queue of 4786 people (me being the 4787th person and a few thousand more behind me), I had this elated feeling of screaming at the top of my lungs ‘Bharat Mata ki Jai’ and to portray/copy/plagiarize Amitabh Bachhan shout ‘Maa main aa gaya’. 

But since it was 3 AM in the morning at an absolutely packed Mumbai Airport for my own safety and the mental wellbeing of my fellow morning queuers (is that a word?) I kept silent until I cleared the queues (without any mishaps this time around. For my past experiences with Indian Immigration Counters please refer here).

I was hoping to copy Shahrukh Khan and run with my jacket flowing behind me and a bag totting behind on my shoulders from ‘Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam/Gum’ (and the various others movies where this has been duplicated) but since I had heavy trolleys with me, I had to hold my enthusiasm and crawl out while dragging my bags behind me and got out into the city.

After a couple of days in Mumbai spend with family and friends I am finally home in my room on the same bed, and under the same Helicopter Fan which makes enough noise to drown out even Momta Didi.
Ahh.. this is bliss.
Plans for the next few days: 

  • Learn to drive.
  • May be learning to swim.
  • Get my teeth drilled a bit more.
  • Relax and Read/TV.

More updates coming soon. Until then

UPDATE: I hate to say this, but I guess I am also turning into one of those Non-Required-Indians, Came home and have been sick for the past 3-4 days, whatever I eat is coming out of different orifices in my body. Have been super sick and hardly can get off the bed.



Anonymous said...

The things you talk about is reasonable, however I still hold reservations about this issue ~

NS said...

Hehe, good one. I had something like this going on when I traveled Melbourne-Singapore-Bombay-Baroda.. And u know what the worst is, the line of 1000's when u get off the plane and think - thank god, the journey is finally over..

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Fantastic article. I'm going through a few these difficulties.

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