ASS On Fire Takes You Higher

Gravity, defined by Wikipedia as: “A natural phenomenon by which physical bodies attract each other (with a force proportional to their masses).” That’s the scientific law, defined by scientists based on facts, logic, experimentation and observations. It holds true in the Physical world. No questions asked. But what about the world which we weave in our minds, the world where laws of Physics don’t apply. A world where we fly in our dreams and fall in our nightmares. As evident by our dreams, in this imaginary world the force of gravity does not always hold true.  The same applies to the second part of the law: “ …physical bodies attract each other with a force proportional to their masses. ”  In this world conceived by our minds, it is not always necessary that to have the force of attraction there needs to be 2 physical entities which attract each other. ( And definitely not proportional to their masses ) Often seen the force of attraction in our own worlds defie...

So as usual this post is straight from another one of my Emails.  This time around to some of my colleagues/friends who are too lazy to go out on weekends. ( Background Info: We are all approx. 27 Years old ) Assuming that you live for 75 Years. You will have about 3910.714 weekends in your life to relax/enjoy. ( Or in you guys cases release/work ) Now assume that you are 27 Years old. ( Some a bit more, others a bit less ) You have already gone through 36% of those weekends that you get in your life. Once you get married let’s say at 30 ( too late I know ) after that your weekends don’t belong to you. So as of now you have: 3~4 years more of weekends left with you.  Or in other words you just have 5% of your entire lives weekends left with you for yourself, before they belong to someone else. So every weekend when you decide, “I will stay in, not do anything” Just think about what you are losing? - Choudhary Baba ka Friday Gyaan THIS IS COSMIC BLASTI...

Now to cover the rest of the planet THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

My 4 year old niece Neha was supposedly asleep when I heard noises coming from her upstairs bedroom. I tried to listen but could not make out what was being said. I approached the room, and she stopped talking.  Thinking I alarmed her I went into the room. At the time she was sharing it with her 6 year old sister Varsha.  I walked in and saw Neha sitting up in bed. I smiled and asked "Is everything Ok?" She said fine, but Varsha said they were keeping her up.  I asked ”Who?" Neha said sorry that she was talking. When I asked her who she was talking to, Varsha sat up and said "The girl in the window, she said you were coming."  I asked who the girl was and they both said a girl comes and stands in front of the window at night and talks to them. Not knowing what to say, I said Ok. Tucked them in and hung around outside their door. The next day I asked about the girl. They said she came back but was mad! I waited a few days and asked again. Neha said th...

We walked everywhere together.. from the sandy beaches.. To the lush green forests From enjoying the early morning dew drops on the grass To dipping our toes in the brook Then one day he left me.. Left me to go to fight another man's war I was alone.. waiting.. sad... Thinking he forgot me.. and would never be back Then he came back.. Yes !! Can you believe it !! he was back home Back from the war But.. what is this ? .. Why is he not coming over to me.. Why does he not greet me and take me with him on a long walk Why is he sitting on that chair with wheels, being pushed around by others THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

And here I sit, in my air conditioned office. Waiting for the clock to strike 6 to go home. My biggest problem is choosing what to have for dinner or thinking of something to do for the day. I can't even imagine having to question whether I will be alive tomorrow.  And its sick how my brain can't interpret that as a reality. It just wants to believe it's Bollywood and Hrithik Roshan will pop up and save the day so I can leave the theater and go back to my house.  But this is life for those people. THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

Today while riding to work, I saw a little girl standing on the footpath on the side of the road, with a school bag on her back, probably waiting for her bus. She was standing all alone in the bustling crowd, with a very depressed expression on her face lost to the world staring at her feet. I was stuck in traffic at this time ( Yeah its Bangalore ) and couldn’t move. For a moment she looked up probably to search for her bus and we ended up staring at each other. I had this urge to go and ask her what was wrong, why was she gloomy what was worrying her? But due to the traffic and me being in the middle of the road on a bike and she up on the footpath, that didn’t seems a viable possibility.  The Signal turned green, I moved on, but a thought was stuck in my head. What if everyone in the world knew Sign Language? Wouldn’t it be much easier to communicate with each other?  You wouldn’t need to be within hearing distance of each other, if you can see the other pers...

As is generally the case on this blog, the below poem also came out from a spontaneous  chat conversation I was having with a friend,  You dont need a Hotty..  When you have a Comfy Potty.. A Hotty gives you shit for whatever you do.. A Potty takes all the shit you pass her to.. For a Hotty..you need to learn to press the right buttons.. For a Potty.. There is only one. A hotty makes you run around, Round and Round.. Press a Button and in a Potty everything goes down You need to buy perfumes to make your hotty smell good.. Well a potty smells..Err… as every other potty should So listen up my friend.. Forget about the Hotty. When your potty is God Send !! THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

There is an existing looong SQL query which selects some products for a condition where Sub product like ‘ %Bill - Option% ’ Now as a part of an enhancement a request came from a user ( via email in Outlook ) to add a new Product with Sub Product Bill – Option   One of my team mates  worked on this and added the new product in a table.. Simple Enough..!! UAT Started and today the User came back saying that the new product is not being selected. I was called in for help and after breaking my head for 1 hour determined that the team mate who added the new product, copied the Sub Product name directly from the User’s Email and entered into the table. Now Microsoft Word on typing a - changes it to a slightly longer version of – . This is clearly visible here in Outlook but when you look at these two things in SQL. They look exactly the same. Example:  (The two above are different; one is a copy from Outlook the other typed).  One works, the other doe...

Trupti sat late on a Friday evening in the office. The office was empty as everyone had left on time except her. The office was dark and the only source of light was from her own monitor. She was stuck trying to debug a particular tricky piece of code.  This application called SRC had been handed over to her only 6 days ago and she had to remove 4 bugs from the application in a week.  Trupti was confident that should we able to tackle the issues very easily as she had done multiple times in the past and meet the dead lines comfortably. That was the reason that her supervisor had full faith in her talents and had handed this seemingly easy piece of work to her. This would be the 8th and final project which she would have to complete in 2011. But this application was proving to be a tricky one. Even after 6 days she was nowhere close to even re-producing the bugs. After 2 days when she had asked her supervisor if any documentation exists for the code, she was informed...

Riding down the busy street with absolutely no sense of the crowd, hullabaloo and the people around you. Riding in a trance, where movements come naturally to every part of the body as and when necessary. When the sub-conscious takes over and the mind is in a blissful calm taking no decisions, performing no permutations, no computations. Not thinking ahead.. Not thinking about the past.  Only the present moment. And a moment which is true unconditional harmony. The moment stretches itself. It seems endless. Like an eternal infinite journey with no destination in mind. It's only the moment which matters and the journey in which the moment dwells in.   THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

I was having a discussion with a friend about how a Man and a Woman's brain work differently. When suddenly this came up: How I imagine Girls think: When they come across something new and unknown: 1. Checks to see if any other girl has the same thing. If No: 2. Checks to see if it can be worn or applied to face. If No: 3. Checks to see if eaten , will it make her fat. If Yes: "Mehh... I didn't like it anyways" THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

Background Information : I am a Bengali who is currently living in Kerala and doesn't speak Malayalam. It all started just like any other lazy weekend. Getting up at 0500 , not being able to sleep again.. blah .. blah... Finally at 1600 Hours  I decided to go and get some lunch. Took my bike , rode on road, went to shop and parked. Suddenly an Uncle comes out of no-where and starts screaming at me in Malayalam. Now me being sleep deprived on a Saturday afternoon I couldn't understand a single word he was screaming at me. ( Also the fact that I don't speak the language didn't help much I guess ) I tried to explain to him in both English and Hindi that I am not able to understand what he is saying as I don't understand Malayalam. But uncle continued his screaming match. Then I pointed to my ear and made the sign that I couldn't  hear him. ( No don't ask me why I did that. I guess in my sleepiness I thought the sign means that I don't underst...

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There is still quite a lot of debate about the earth being round. I'm pretty sure its not round, and there's actually a really neat little experiment you can do at home that disproves the "round earth" theory:  Get a round ball. Put it on top of a larger ball, representing the earth.  You will notice how the smaller ball will roll off the larger ball, since both are round.  If, however, you place the same ball on the ground, i.e. on the top of the round earth ( the top is where ever you are, because, if the "round earth" theorists are right, the earth is round ), you will notice that the ball does not roll off to one side. This home experiment disproves the "round earth" theory, and it's a really neat trick you can do with the kids to get them involved in science from an early age.  Kids are the future, you know. THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

To quench the arguments once and for all. YES.... I CAN COOK !! ... No, These images have not been copied from the internet. No, I have not used. Pastes and other automated crap for cooking. So shut up now THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

Frustration rises when expectation from other people rises too high. The heightened frustration level leads to the feeling of lashing out against them  But when some thought is given to the reasons behind the people's indifference to your expectations; Sanity prevails. Everyone has their own story and life and no one is bound to behave the way you want them to. If they did always did things so as to make you happy. They wouldn't be individuals on their own and turn into Zombies. So my dear friend. It's Ok.  I will learn how to prevail and live on. THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

You can make your own Memes/Comic Strips  here THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

I was messaging my friend when suddenly the below conversation happened. ( Ya, I know.. I can be extremely irritating... ) ( No even I don't know.. how or why the few friends who I have tolerate me ) Glossary for Non-IT People : Appraisal : After you work your Ass off through out the year. Someone somewhere decides how your performance was on completely imaginative and speculative criterion of judgement. Depending upon the Outcome of this 'Appraisal' , Your Salary and Promotions are decided for the next year. H2 : Half-Yearly 2, This aforementioned 'Appraisal' happens twice a year. Hence H1 and H2 Appraisal Discussion : You meet with your Boss/Manager and pretend to go discuss how your fared on the 'Goals' which your manager would have set for you before. You pretend to have achieved all of the Goals, and your manager pretends to have graded you awesomely well on the Grading Scale. ODC : 'Off-Shore Development Center' ( Fancy na...

Recently I have been reading lots of Posts about Movie Reviews,  So I decided to do one of my own. The Movie I want to review is one which I really Enjoyed. Movie Name: Source Code . Click Below to See the Review:

THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

Most of the Big IT companies in our country work on an Onsite ( Videsh ) and Off-Shore ( Swadesh ) model. Which simply means that some of the team members would be working in Firangi land while other members of their team would be slogging in India. Most of the communication between these teams happen via telephone and due to the difference in Time Zones of the Countries, they usually happen outside the office hours. Usually the Off-Shore team would be waiting for their Onsite Counterparts to call them or pick up their phone and provide ( a very often misused word ) " KT " or Knowledge Transition. While coming back today from work, I was in an Auto listening to a Song by Fort Minor called "Where'd you go". Now your's truly having been worked in both these situations, ( In Firangi Land and in Bharat Mata ki Jai ) this song struck an immediate chord with me and I decided to re-word the lyrics a bit to convey what the team mates in the two countrie...

I have been reading lots of Wedding Cards and stories about many people getting married within a year or two of a relationship. How is that a good idea? Did they realize that they didn't care what happened in life as long as they had each other. This just seems like the socially driven concept of love, when it ( at least for me ) isn't an accurate representation at all.  With all forms of media beating down on us it's really easy to submit to the idea that you'll be so much happier with a man or woman in your life. So many movies, songs, and books are about, or include, this kind of love. It's a sort of the quick-fix mentality that seems to be plaguing modern culture.  Not happy? Getting married / in a relationship will make you happy!  I think more people need to realize, that love is simply what you have with a best friend. Someone you don't need to be around you to be happy, but whom with you always enjoy company.  Someone you trust with...

Couple of weeks ago during a random conversation the topic of Friend Zone and came up and I was surprised that people are not aware of ( the dangers of ) Friend Zone.  So for the benefit of fellow Human Race ( mostly Guys I guess ) let me try and describe what this weird phenomena is. "Friend zone" describes the way most women stop seeing a male friend as dating material after a certain amount of time has passed, even though she might have begun dating them had he acted differently when they first met. Say there is a man called Rahul of average attractiveness and a woman called Priya.  Rahul meets Priya.  Priya thinks "This guy seems nice. He's quite funny and reasonably good looking".  Rahul doesn't ask Priya out, but they see each other at social functions.  After a while, Priya stops seeing Rahul as a nice guy who is quite funny and reasonably good looking, and just sees him as My Friend Rahul. But oh no! Rahul realizes he's secretly...

You can make your own Comic Strips  here THIS IS COSMIC BLASTING OFF !!!!!!!!

In most of the movies ( at least from the 70s ), when the hero doesn't know what to do, he would be in a temple, in front of God and he would get a sign from God, a Flower falling off the status or some such weird co-incidence. Seems very filmy, But I guess I had the err.. Bad Fortune to experience such a similar situation. Now at the beginning of November 2011 when I was working in Sydney, I was told that the team I was currently working for needs me back in India, So I have to travel back. At the same time, when Leads from 2 other teams heard of this , they offered me a place in their teams to stay on in Sydney and work with them instead. And I had to decide what I need to do, ( And if you would have read some of my older posts you might know how bad I am at taking a decision ) As usual, I was confused, confounded, dumb founded as to what my next course of action should be, Stay on in Sydney or go back to India and see what it leads to. One of my older posts als...

This is the Obligatory New Year Post..  Last Year I thought of making some Resolutions.. After a lot of Confusion.. I came up with a Solution.. That I would resolve the World's biggest Botheration.. May be solve the problem of Pollution.. Or Stop the practice of Prostitution.. To Study Man's Evolution.. And Like Anna lead them on the next Revolution.. Try and work towards Increased Knowledge Adoption.. And help people with their habit of Alcoholization.. But with such high Aspirations.. You also need some kind of resource Allocations.. And due to the lack of Appreciation.. And a lot of Persecutions.. The Resolutions... would never reach up to Execution.. And all of them ended in Cancellations.. So on this new day of Celebration.. It's time again to put ideas into Conceptualizations .. Hopefully this year the idea would see the light of Inception.. Until then..All we can do is work towards their Culmination..