Thursday, August 18, 2011

Disco Inferno

DISCLAIMER: All the information provided below is through Theoretical Studies only. No practical tests or observations have been performed to reach these conclusions. Please follow at your own discretion. The author does not take responsibility for any harm/discomfort after following the below advice.

Everyday in the Morning (Or sometimes in the noon), I walk to work. 
Its about a 2Km walk from my home to work and during this time, I have my trusted and loved Philips Head phones in my ears, plugged into my HTC Desire. (Woww... Lots of Sponsorship plugging going on. Do I get paid for this? Hey companies out there? Free Advertising. But again I DIGRESS).

So as I was saying, the 2KM walk which when done on a lazy leisurely pace takes me about 20 minutes to complete on an average (Depending upon the traffic lights – for Pedestrians of-course)

Now most of my friends know that I can’t dance…Err... Let’s rephrase that… I don’t dance…hmm... lil bit more. I refuse to dance. (There now that sounds all right. Pretending as if I have a choice)

But even though I CHOOSE not to dance, I do what I call as “Jiggle” Where while I sit/stand/lye down. I shake my body (booty) in spasms to the beat of the music.
These Spasms are very famous. (Remember the Great Performance on the Plastic Chair of 2007 held at Raipur). Where I ended the performance by falling off the chair.

So as I was saying.. I do Dance.. But in my own way and this got me thinking.

What happens in a Club/Disco? Well let’s see:

If you are a hot chick: You go in, no questions asked.

If you are a guy: You stand at the end of a long queue, waiting to get in. There would be a Danav (Bouncer) at the gate who would judge you and allow you to go in or not after waiting for hours.

Now once you are in: You think you are going to have a good time?
Welll Nooooo....  Its dark as a Dungeon in there with Flashy lights which blind you and you keep on bumping into people who you don’t know. 
Well that chick you think you have your arm around. Guess what, that’s a guy's ass.

You think you can chat up a nice girl? (by which I of course mean a hot chick)..Well Nooooo…..With that loud music you can’t even hear yourself thinking, forget about talking to someone else (and by someone else I ofcourse mean Hot chick as talking to a guy after going to a club.. ARE YOU NUTS !!!).

You think you will have couple of Drinks? Well Nooooo..You go up to the Bartender, try and catch his attention in a crowd of millions (Ya that’s what it feels like) while waving your hands trying to imitate a Baboon in Heat, and when he finally notices, 
You again need to shout and scream to tell him what drink you want. You tell him something. He understands something and you end up getting something else.
And then you need to pay that guy through your nose. 
Why o Why do the drinks cost so damn bloody much in that dark room.

Finally when all your monthly savings are gone and you are slightly drunk, You think to yourself let me go and dance a lil bit. Well Nooooooooo……… There are at that point of time. 1 Million 43 thousand 567 Guys and 3 Hot Chicks on that Dance Floor and if you think you are dexterous enough that you can navigate, move and operate in those confined spaces. Well Bro.. Stop kidding yourself you are not a contortionist and definitely not Harry “The Bloody” Houdini. 

So.. Let me get back to my original topic of discussion. Head Phones.. Music.. and Dancing/Spasms.

I am thinking of starting a new and improved trend.. where everyone comes to the party… and everyone brings their own music.. in their iPods, Androids, or Nokia and even some Walkmans (Ya I know you. You still use that walk man)

Everyone puts on their head phones. Pump up the volumes to max and dance/spasm to whatever they want and how ever they want.

How do I hope to create the Club Ambience? Well you wear dark shades of course.
How do I plan to tackle the closed spaces issue? Well these parties would be organized in Public Parks of course. (This also serves the purpose of removing the Danav from the gate as free entry for all- Public/Sexual equality you see)

Drinks? Well get drunk at home of course and then come to the party. I am against drinking and smoking at public places.

Just imagine.. A park full of people. In the day.. Wearing dark glasses.. headphones on… jiggling to something you can’t hear.. 

Woowww.. Now that’s gonna be the next big thing.

P.S.I have not been able to come up with a suitable name for such a party/gathering so suggestions are open. Please provide them in the comments below.
I will ofcourse chose the best name provided by you and take all credit for it.



Unknown said...

What an idea Shriji !!!!

All the nerds and the geeks will totally digg that disco park idea. Only if it had Wi-fi !!!

A Nonsense Intellectual said...

hahaha... y park? u can have a video conf and do the same in ur room! :P

Aakriti said...

You are one incredible fun blogger I tell u..!!!;) ok..loved the humor, the sarcasm ;)..and u actually think this idea of urs can work in India?? matlab yahan par toh aade time log tun hote hain:P I'm just talking abt Delhi,lol:D..sure the idea sounds fun..and as an onlooker one will think "What's happenind? A Mad Dance Party?!!" and yes, guys can surely approach hott chicks but out in the day, in the already hot sun? m just thinking that'll be too sweaty!!evening gets cooler. and since I loooove to dance..having headphones on..would just kill the fun of loud music!

cosmic_wanderer said...


Hmm... True, if you think of the logistics of the idea.

Indeed people are drunk throughout the day everywhere in India , (Not only in Delhi)

And the temperatures, They would be a killer

Aakriti said...

See..I knew I made sense 8)...videsh mein bhaitkar hi aise awesome plans ban sakte hain!! the reality is much diffrnt;)

Aakriti said...

See..I knew I made sense 8)...videsh mein bhaitkar hi aise awesome plans ban sakte hain!! the reality is much diffrnt;)

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