Thursday, August 25, 2011

Thanks, But no Thanks - Man's View

This is an attempt to observe, from a Man’s Perspective the Blog post I read here, written by Ms. ConfusedYuppie.
(No No... No Flamewars please)

Let us first try and look at a bit of history. Prior to Independence the Manly Men (Paedophiles) of the nation were really interested in marrying toddlers (Yes from my perspective a little 13 year old girl is a toddler

And since then I am happy to see that we the Men have finally got our wits around us a bit (still a long way to go, but a start none the less). 
So even though the average age of Men has risen only by 4 years, the average age of Women has incresed by 6 (You go Girl).

Why this difference you ask me? (Well even if you don’t ask me I am going to tell you anyways)
I think, the main reason for men marrying young is FRUSTRATION.

Yes Yes.. Its not family pressure, its not, “Hey look man your all your friend’s are getting married and you are not” and its also not the feeling of “I have achieved enough in life and now I should start a family.”

Frustration that Golden Mister (yes every guy thinks he is God’s gift to woman kind) has not yet been able to attain a single female of the species who he can call as his Girlfriend.

Come on, You know what I am talking about.

The Common Indian Male is too toung tied, too self conscious, too timid to have a sensible conversation with a Golden Missess without breaking into hives (ok sweat at least) and stammering his way through a simple hello as if he is trying to recite the Unabridged version Othello.

What I am trying to convey here was very aptly put into words last week by one of my Aussie Colleagues when he heard that, one of my 30+ Year old Indian Male Team mate was going to India to see girls and select one:

Mr Indian Guy: “So Mr Aussie guy, See you after 2 weeks.

Mr Aussie Guy: “So you are going to meet these girls just once for a few hours in a room filled with both your families, and then decide who you are going to spend the rest of your life with?

Mr Indian Guy: “Err … Yes

Mr Aussie Guy: “Dude!!! There are many other ways to get laid

Now let’s assume that you are a single, moderately successful Indian Man living on his own in a metropolis. And even imagine (you may have to stretch your imagination for this-I certainly had to) that you are a macho, confident, Hunk-with-brains who can get any woman in the country. 

What would your choices be? And how would you react if they ever proposed to you? (Or in our country how would you react if their families ever came knocking)

DISCLAIMER: The above paragraph has been plagiarized from Ms. ConfusedYuppie’s Blog post and only the gender and adjectives have been changed.

Candidate 1:  “SO CALLED ITEM GIRLS” (Mallika Sherawat/Rakhi Sawant):

PROs: HOT HOT HOT HOT !! …..And did I mention.. HOT HOT HOT HOT !!

CONs: Once you look away from their hotness……………………………………………………………………….
……….. I am sorry what was I saying?…. 
Err.. Yes.. Once you look away from their hotness and their perfectly shaped anatomical body parts, You may notice that there is another part of their Anatomy which is missing, The itsy bitsy, unimportant part called the BRAIN.

And since the brain is missing from the body, The TOUNGUE which is now not centrally controlled, goes on a rampage and incoherent ramblings causing uncontrollable mayhem and chaos 

Candidate 2: “Social Reformers” (Arundhati Roy and such..)

PROs: They have an Opinion, Yes they do. An opinion about everything, Yes every little thing. They might pen-down couple of good books now and then.

CONs: Scene after wedding: 
Male: “So my honey bunny where do you want to go for the honeymoon, should I book tickets for the Bahamas?”

Reply from Social Reformer Hunny Bunny: “Do you know how many children are sleeping without a roof on their head tonight? Do you know the level of corruption of country and the blatant manner in which the political parties are scandalizing the law and governance of our country?”

Male: “Err.. Ok.. No I guess. Then how about going out for a coffee”

Hunny Bunny: “Most coffee plantation workers are children and are paid the equivalent to sweatshop wages and toil under abysmal working conditions. In Guatemala for example, coffee pickers have to pick a 100-pound quota in order to get the minimum wage of less than $3/day”

Male: “Al right let’s stay in”

Candidate 3: “Politician/Film Superstar’ Daughter” (Priyanka Gandhi, Whatever Rajni Kanth’s daughter is called)

PROs: You automatically inherit Daddy’s contacts and connections and you get your 15 minutes of fame when your wedding gains mention on the first page of “Hamara Samachaar” News Paper and 20 minutes of Prime Time coverage,of discussion about the Daughter’s lehenga  on the “Hamara NewsChannel

CONs: (Day after the wedding, Daughter calling Daddy): (Sniff Sniff.. Fighting back tears)”Daddy,  he cant make tea like Ramu did daddy, He served me Marie biscuit instead of Parle-G. And he also asked me to come to the dining table to have the tea daddy. I can’t live with this man daddy. He doesn’t love me daddy. He is torturing me. Please send the BMW to pick me up daddy.. the white one.”

Now you understand the plight of the Golden Mister ? With choices such as these, celibacy is far more attractive.
Married women out there, take a bow. The best are, truly taken.
(Plagiarisation Alert yet again)



Unknown said...

Ahh the plight of Indian males beautifully captured. Alas ! Finding aliens would be more easy than finding THAT girl !!

AAD said...

Hello Shrijeet,

I'm Anjali, I came across your blog through sandy's blog...I must say hilarious post, I was laughing all the way through....good work..keep it up...

cosmic_wanderer said...

Hi Anjali,

Thanks for the kind words :)

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! loved it! I am so flaterred by the take-off. U matched and may have even beaten me at it. Maybe we should put in a joint post. I'm gonna edit my post to include a reference to your-if that's okay?

cosmic_wanderer said...

Thanks Ms.Yuppie,

Glad that you liked it and relieved that this was not offending

As they say in Official Indian Office Letters I would be highly obliged if you share a link to this mumbling from your post


Anonymous said...

I don't know what to say... one has to have a weird sense of humor to appreciate this post...

Sahana Rao said...

Ha Ha! That was good analysis!
I don't agree with a few parts though. Well, it may lead to a lengthy debate.
Good post man!

cosmic_wanderer said...

@Spicy Sweet -
Thanks for the feedback, I was and am still afraid, if this post is in any way offending to the Women kind.

No such intention though.

Lets call it a truce..

Anne John said...

Haha! Thank God I'm married ;-)

Anonymous said...

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Sujatha Sathya said...

haha u just proved men are a sad lot hahah

Kofykat said...

Lol. I enjoyed this post. Although I must say, I know a couple of those Item number girls, and they are BRILLIANT. Not at all dumb.

Siddhartha Joshi said...

Hahaha...damn hilarious! Really enjoyed it :)

Rituparna said...

Funny !

R-A-J said...

Hahaha!! Nicely put, ma man!!
the plight of the Indian male... loved the Aussie Indian discussion too :)

Gr8 read man!!!


Saheer Kumble said...

hilarious... njoyed readin it... especially after readin d other half of dis post...

cosmic_wanderer said...

Thanks All, Appreciate your kind words :)

KP said...

Hey.. u have a good flair of writing comedy and making people laugh!
I enjoyed reading it.. but some parts are bit over the head! :) whoosh..

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