Friday, October 7, 2011

I hate you Coffee Snobs

Coffee Snobs, I hardly ever came across them when I was in India. 
At work I had 2 (free) choices. Press a button on an ancient machine and get either 

  • Tea
  • Coffee (mostly hot water)

If I wanted to splurge in a proper Café , I would then have 3 broad classifications:

  • Cold Coffee (with Icy Bits)
  • Hot Coffee (with Steam coming out)
  • Weird-Looking-Colourful-Drinks (with weird names)

But since coming to Sydney, I see coffee snobs all around me, always with an opinion on what kind of Coffee Beans to use, or how they should be grounded, or how much milk/sugar/water and what not to mix in them.

What follows now: Is a confession and No I am not ashamed of it.

I like those Weird Looking Colorful Drinks, Yes. I do !!

When ever I would go to any café with my friend, I would always order a color ful drink with names like: Chilli Morkel, Ginger Fizz, WaterMellon Sparkel etc etc. And she would order some or the other Hot Coffee. 

Chilli Morkel

Ginger Fizz

No Idea what its called

The waiter would serve the hot drink to me, and the colorful drink to her. Which then I would proudly exchange and start sipping on sweet colorful drinks.

Why this Gender discrimination I ask you?  Can’t a guy order a colorful looking drink? And a girl normal Coffee?

(But after some regular visits, even the waiter understood that I am the one who orders weird drinks and then on he served correctly)

In my office in Sydney, we have a coffee machine on our floor with so many thinga-majigs that it would confuse Einstein as to which buttons to press and what drink would come out.

I like my Hot Coffee Sweet, So I mix Chocolate Powder in it and lots of Sugar, with Milk before pressing the button for Capuchino. The congregation which is then formed, I like to call it as ...err.. No I dont have a name for it All Right !!.

But Noooo.. The coffee snobs wouldn’t leave me alone here as well. And today morning I finally lost my temper and had a go at them.

Coffee Snob:Woww So much sugar, Dude you are not supposed to mix so much sugar in a coffee” That’s not how a coffee is supposed to be made. It should be dark and strong with a burnt aroma of the powder.

Frustrated Me:Ohhh Yaa.. and who makes those rules? Who was the GodFather of Coffee Drinking who had these rules written down on a stone tablet and passed them to Moses to preach to the world?

Me:Tell me Coffee Snob, If there are so many rules to drinking coffee, What do you think was on the mind of the first guy who thought. Hmmmm.. those beans on that tree looks interesting… let me crush them, mix them with some hot milk and drink that. And I name this drink Coffee.

Me: Or while we are on the subject. Who do you think was the first genius who decided on looking at a cow, Hmm.. Let me sexually molest that animal, press those dangly things on that cow and drink whatever comes out (milk)

Me:Dude.. I drink what I like, and maybe someday your grand-son would be preaching to someone else in a similar office: Man.. That’s now how the great Shrijeet used to make his cofffee.. You are all wrong !!

So my dear coffee snobs. Stop behaving as if you are the God’s Final word to coffee drinkers around the world. And leave us poor souls alone. And let us all enjoy what we want to drink.




Aakriti said...

HEYLOZZZZ!! once again Shrijeet...nice one!! These coffee snobs na..I tell u, ok..I have a post to share with u...I', kinda hoping u like it ;)

and yeah..I love the face on the coffee at the end!1 very cool..8) the link and u'll know what I wish to say..and that machine in ur office..Hai rabba!! WOh dekhne ke liye hai ya samjh kar use karne ke liye?:P..
What do u have to say on the aroma of the invigorating aroma of coffee?? would like to hear on that:)

Aakriti said...

one more hting..I forgot to write..its kinda nice to hear that u like all those jazzy names they gove to the mocktails...Hawaain Blue.. Strawberry what not...they look beautiful and yes I agree..these drinks make drinking them fun too..don't u think?;) keep stirring them. Once I ordered this mocktail which had peach and orange juice mixed with other juices..and it had a huge slice of Orange in looked fab!!! and at some places they even put beautiful shaped ice cubes as one in the shape of a ring, which u can pcik thru ur straw :D

cosmic_wanderer said...

Hi Aakriti,
Thanks for dropping by. And thanks for sharing that link. Its a nice insight into.. err.. life, discussed in some very innovative terms.

I have shared my thoughts there in the comments, Hope some of it makes sense. :)

And yes..I am a sucker for All those brilliantly named and extremely colourful Mock tails.

P.S. Havnt encountered differently shaped ice cubes yet.. Ohh well.. Something to look forward to :)


Aakriti said...

And hey Shrijeet..have replied bk to u on my post..u make sense! Dont underestimate urself!! okay..u are good:):)
What other things are u a sucker for;)lol??

Aakriti said...

Well..if u really like good names, then why don't u go through color shade cards of paints as well..they seem to me like names of ice creams;)

kunalp_23 said...

Nicely written! Always have wondered who was that dude who thought of milking the cow!

It happens here too in Bombay in most coffee shops. I order a Mocha, but it has zero I add some...then some enlightened soul says NOOO! Mocha is supposed to be drunk without sugar :/

My friends and I write here , it's a group blog. You might find something that interests you :)

Anand said...

hahahaa... its a nice post Shrijeet. As a great coffee lover, I don't like people invading and dictating on how my coffee should be. Nice read :)

PS: Your blog title made me smile and of course it has got intent meaning.

Life's like that

cosmic_wanderer said...

Kunalp - I have had the exact same experience with Mocha many a times.

I guess countries can change, but people remain the same ;) :)


cosmic_wanderer said...

Thanks for dropping by Anand :) ,

Yes, The as you said, the Blog title has a meaning very close to my heart and life :) .. I follow it religiously.. (which I guess I shouldn't)


Anonymous said...

I was on a hunt of fresh blogs :) Finally! Grabbing the feed..

And coffee :D I like it desi way, I misx decaf with sugar, milk and beat it for a while..later mix it with hot milk :D try it ;) you may hit the coffee snob in the head with this one...

The Blunt Blog

cosmic_wanderer said...

Thanks for Dropping by Blunt Blogger :)

Glad you liked some of my Mumblings.

P.S. : Thanks for the tip on the coffee. I will pretend that's my own ESPECHIAL way the next time I see him in the office kitchen,


Pooja Abhay said...

Hilarious post:) I still can't stop laughing:) I will think twice before drinking a cup of coffee now. All thanks to you!

cosmic_wanderer said...


Awww... I am sorry.. :(
Stupid... Bugger.. Me.. Spoiling coffee for another soul.

Unknown said...

Coffee snobs be damned......make them drink TEA at a road side dhaba....they will forget all this snobbery !!

Jaunty anima said...

Awesome,awesome stuff!!!
One of my Videshi cousin once started getting all preachy about do-s and do-nots of making, I added a hint of red chilli in her coffee....Turns out she liked it very much...although that wasn't the point but she never preached afterwards....n told ppl I was the ultimate "Coffee-maker"...jeez!!
Next time a coffee snob turns up to spoil ur coffee time, u better remember to get his ass on fire!! ;)

P.S. Liked ur blog very much! Already following!!!

Jaunty anima said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jaunty anima said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cosmic_wanderer said...

@ Jautny..

Woww.. that's err... NOT-SO-NOBLE of you ;) ..

But yes, there are always those who do deserve such treatments.

Glad that your cousin got what I think she deserved.

May be some day you can disclose the Secret Ingredient to your Ultimate Coffee


P.S. : Glad that you liked the blog. Do keep visiting :)

Rajendra Raikwar said...

Very nice

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